my fingerprint, my story...no one else can tell it...

 I have yet to tell you the real truth, the authentic feelings, frustrations and faithless family environment we created  10 years ago.  If I don't tell it then my "fingerprint" will just be a smudge on a piece of paper.  In my life right now I can only say that all events are blessings
Our stories are like our fingerprints. Distinct. Like no one else's. Completely unique and completely human. It's why giving people a voice is so important. We NEED everyone's stories. We NEED your story. --Rowena Murillo
I realize I need to VOICE my experience because no one else is coming forth to tell it. so...to honour myself I will start this (just briefly).  How do you tell a story about embarrassment, not being perfect parents and believing you are just like other parents, that I thought I could survive in this life by grasping onto only myself (that didn't work).because their was nothing I had to hold onto;  I felt the 4 (Brian, Graham, Tom and me) were disconnected and repelled each other.  I felt all we did was work hard.. but we were losing spirit and purpose, which is way more important than working hard.  Spirit and Purpose...I have found out some important things that has made Brian and I survive and be blessed from a tragedy that we have learned very well to live with.

No. 1 Quality Time - is who I am - it is my "love" language. ....if both of us (Brian and I) are not in sync and unappreciative of each other or distracted; the meal out or movie watching or having coffee together, to me means nothing, we are not at one. a good example of quality time now is having a bit of fun and needing each other.  Why do we marry? I believe it is so you can help each other become all that each of you can be.  Yesterday, Brian wanted to cash in his $10 casino playing coupon that we each got in the mail.  Jan 15 was the last day to do this so we met for lunch and laughed as we each hung onto each coupon that was about the length of my arm, very noticeable - we felt silly (pure childish fun) as we have never cashed any of these coupons before.  We got our money and then went and ate at the casino restaurant. We needed to be together just for a bit to have a hug and a laugh.  Then after work we plugged in a Western Movie I bought.  I love doing that with Mantracker!. This is quality time for me. 

No. 2 Quality Time with boys:  Ah - we did something right with our boys in the area of holidays especially skii holidays.  They were the best and still are.  Even though we are minus Graham.  We are all their for the same reason, fresh air, good skiing and for a bit of a challenge.  Then we are hungry and tired when the day is done.  But we are all hungry and tired for the same reason.  Makes a difference in connection and communication.  Common ground.  That is quality time for me.  When you are with family and friends that are of the same mindedness.

No. 3 Quality Time with Tom:  I phoned Tom yesterday Jan 15 to check in and I did not want to dominate the phone call.  I want him to feel he can say something.  I know it is helpful to talk about his brother on a tough anniversary date.  I know he is okay (I have no fear about that anymore).  We had a bit of small talk and then said goodbye.  I phoned again the next day and asked if he struggled yesterday as we never talk about how he works through this.  I was so surprised when he answered "Ya, I did actually, How did you know?".  How did I know?  {oh my} I said "Tom it was Jan 15 of course you had a tough day".  "What do you do when you are struggling?  Do you go somewhere? or just sit and work it through?  His answer was "ya pretty much just sit around and work it through".   Quality Time - ya so....I said a few more mumblings that were not all that brilliant and told him that I had nothing inspiring to say and we can say goodbye if you want.  So we did.  But, Ha! being a Mom I phoned him back 10 minutes later and said "how are you for cash?" do you need some "fun cash".  What do you want to do?  well probably a swim and then I said maybe a pizza brought to your door?  ya that sounds good, he said.  So we decided on the amount he needed to "treat himself" and then the conversation turned very uplifting as he said Hey you know there were a couple of really great things that did happen in the last few days?  I said really,  .......pause...He said I got 91% in Conservation Biology final and a 78% in my term paper and also a film crew came by my dorm and wanted to film and take pictures of me studying and living in the dorm.  So I pretended I was studying and working in my dorm and then they took the photos and handed me a Gift Certificate at Boston Pizza.  Well that is wonderful Tom....congrats on all of that and a bit of fun with being on the Lethbridge College website.

I guess it just takes a bit of cash to get you talking?  He laughed and I laughed.  QUALITY TIME

...my VOICE feels forceful and strong and the words are coming out easily. (until the next fingerprint post)!

videos on horse

I always like to get a shot or two when horses are around. I thought the trees turning colour would turn out on this video Nada. ...