Loving my Mom

my mom and dad were visiting us on the Aug long weekend.  They loved sitting out on our deck and my mom wanted so badly to have her picture taken with the horses.  
We took them to a park on Saturday and they loved the drive and the food and the music playing. 

My mom, who  is a neurotic when it comes to her health;  has only received her grade 10 education; and she came from a Ukrainian family of 6 other siblings and my grandparents came over from the Ukraine to make a  life in Canada before her time; and I am thinking it  was pretty hard, I know.
I don't understand her controlling nature and why she seems to judge her grandchildren and  so of course she does not have a close relationship with any of them (sad for her).
Whenever she leaves my place after a couple of days I ponder and wonder and think how I can be more accepting of her ways.  I love her alot and when she dies I will be lost as she has been a good mom and looked out for us all.

when i attended Choices last July, I discovered that I have been very angry with her.
There was a process at this seminar where we had to visualize our parents as children and we were to pretend we were looking into a crystal ball and see our moms and dads playing outside as small children.  It was powerful.  I  
could see my dad playing busily outside and running in the playground.  However, I had an extremely difficult time visualizing my mom playing like a child, it  didn't present that picture for me.  I saw a little girl who looked worried and concerned, but not playful.

I understand more now of how she grew up  on a farm, struggling family, and I remember her saying she was judged and shamed alot in school (so quietly she said that to me about a year ago).  We were talking about her grandson Tom and it came out suddenly.

she is highly sensitive to everyone and everything around her.  Yet she is very gregarious and assertive and highly creative and social and a great hostess.  (we all have strengths!)  

I know I have some of that in me; that judging people too critically, or I did until last year, and I work hard and enjoy not being that way anymore.  I slip up and go back to my old ways at times, oh but I wish I could help her release
her demons, because we all have them.  She has a 'monster' whispering in her ear, telling her she was "no good" and "stupid" etc.  We believe what we hear and perceive that it is true, from somewhere in our past childhood/adolescent days.
she loves her grandchildren but is blocked from letting them be and growing up learning from mistakes, when they do not act appropriately around her she takes it personally.

I wish my mom had peace and serenity,.

Hugs Mom
I love you!


my Mom
my dad

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