throw back this thursday

It's a birthday week;
my boy Graham's was on April 20 (a regretful throwback Thursday in a couple of days).

Had a tough, kind of annoying evening last night
I figured out it was about loss.

After 13 years of working
with grief I have figured out
one simple thing.

That sharp stone of grief in my pocket
pinches me every now and then.
So I am embracing this long
lonely desolate feeling I had last night.

He was in grade Nine here at Waldeck School;
his t-shirt and watch were purchases from
our skii trip in Banff a few weeks previously.

Just saying that the  statement that so many
refer to about "God does not give you anything that
you cannot handle"......

It is a misrepresented statement
God  hands out small doses of pain
to us when he feels we can accept something
about our pain, another little nugget of memory
regret, guilt.
He hands it out in little chunks.

That is what that statement means.
Little pieces of grief are added throughout the
years.  At first it is overwhelming and exhaustive.

That higher being or God, whichever,  is your belief
has it under control.  

Yes God has given me what I can handle, one small pebble or big
chunk at different times.  I have learned to be aware of when
he is "pinching me".

I am so grateful for what I still have.  Gratitude is the key for me
and once I remember that the pain  changes and subsides!

My Easter message I guess.



D Woy said...

Donna, Just read your post. I am a friend of Barb Smith who I believe is your sister. My heart went out to you. We also will shortly be going through a significant time - the second anniversary of our lovely daughter Lindsey's death on May 3. She was 35. The emotions are very difficult to describe. A website, Silent Grief, once described it as dry pain.
My thoughts & prayers are with you.
Dona W.

Donna said...

I am honored that you shared about your grief over your daughters 2nd anniversary. A big hug for you from me!

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